I got my first goat when I was about 6 or 7. I think she was a nubian X alpine cross. I co-owned her with my sister. From there my mom, Cindy, bought another full blood nubian. We went from 2 or 3 to many more in a heart beat. Over time and with much love we made it all the way up to 30 goats. Each and everyone of them had a name, a sound and a special place in my heart. Most of them were mine, some were my moms and some were my brothers. In 2008 my mom felt like God was telling her that we needed to sell the goats. They were running our life instead of us running their's. So we gave them to my Paw-Paw. He took care of them for awhile but they proved to be more work than he signed up for. He found a buyer for them and we sold them within the week.
With that money we had enough to have mom's tubes untied. When she had my little brother at the age of 23 she had her tubes tied. In October of 2008 she had her tubes untied. On Christmas Eve of the same year she surprised us with a pregnancy. We were all excited!! We were getting ready to have a baby in the house. On March 14, 2009 she miscarried and lost the baby. It was a boy and we named him Elijah James. In the fall of the very same same year she got pregnant again. She lost the baby on December 10, 2009. It was a girl this time. Her name was Shekinah Glory. On October 10, 2010 she lost a third baby. We don't know what it was, a boy or a girl so we named him Baby Trey.
She didn't get pregnant until August, 2012. We really thought that she would make it to full term this time. She ended up losing the baby on November 13, 2012. We were all bummed out but still trusting that God is in control.
Round about 2010 God opened the door for me to get goats again, only this time they were all mine and they were registered. Through it all I had young stock that was dying out of the blue. For what seemed like no reason at all. I would do my best to save them but they would eventually go. It was heart breaking knowing that I couldn't do anything to save my babies. That I was being, in my mind, a bad mother.
It was hard for me to understand why God would do this to my family. For along time I blamed God for everything that went wrong in my life and my family's. At first I thought that He didn't love me. When I realized how dumb that was I started to think that there was something wrong with me. Why couldn't I take care of my animals? Why was He allowing mom to miscarry? Why? Why? Why!!
I asked myself these things almost daily until one day my mom asked me why I thought I was important enough or powerful enough to "allow" them to die. Only God was the Author of life. He gives life and He takes it away. So stop thinking that I was that important. And as for the babies, yes it was hard. But we know from the life we have lived that each one had a purpose. Maybe not in our lives but in the people around us.
So now about three years later we have a baby Brother that was born on March 1st, 2014. His name is Nathan Wayne and he is the joy of our lives. I guess through it all I knew that God would give us a blessing after going through so many storms. I also know that He wanted us to learn to Dance in the Rain despite the Storm.
I strive to give my herd to God on a daily basis and it is very hard. There are days where I'm like "It's ok God, I got this" and He gently reminds me that I need Him. I can't do this crazy thing we call life without Him. I know that He will always love and protect me no matter what. And when I think life is getting to hard and I can't handle it I remember two things. 1) No matter what, I know that He can keep me from the pain if He thinks that is what's best, and 2) He only gives us what He knows we can handle. He must think I'm almighty tuff!!
I hope that my story helps you in your walk with Lord. God Bless!!